Sejujurnya, azyani noor azman x nak blek. Sape nak blek kt tmpt yg x pernah bahagia tu? X tipu. Kat sini rasa bahagia gilaa.  Jauh dri masalah. Kalau blek sana nnt kena stress 24/7. Serius x tipu. Nak habes exam kt sini. Cikgu dia 20000 times better kt sini. Baik gila. Kat sini, bru ada semangat nak belajar. Lain tu memang lain tapi..... Dah lmbt 4 bulan haritu cukup byk kena catch up. Blek nnt 10 kali ganda keje dia byk.
I just dont wanna go back. I feel so comfortable here. Being alone from people makes me safe. I just dont like the fact that I have to catch up all last years work just because I was here. If I couldnt even do my exams here, why on earth did I even come here. I love being who I am here. I think this is where the first time Im studying really hard. I wanna achieve something.
The friends here are more honest than they are there. Just imagining it makes me sick. Going there is what I never wanted. I tried so hard to get here. Stepping ny feet here gives me so much relieve. I DONT WANNA GO BACK EVER. T_T
But then, I still have to think about others. Mom, dad, sisters and all. Gosh. Everything seems so complicated. I cant even smile right now. All my smiles are just fake ones. My dad finishes his work like at the end of the year, mom cant even stay here without dad, all my sisters cant live here without my parent so yeah, enough reason for me to go back. But I still dont wannna.
Just feeling like living here alone and then finish my exams and coming back with an award and proud to show what I achieved. I wanna be like that. I even feel like I wanna live at my friends house and just until I finish my exam. T_T I am so sad right now.
But I cant not follow what my mom says. 'Balik' maka saya balik. 'D,uduk sini' maka saya duduk. Tapi tulaaa. Ayah pon kata 'most likely, we are gonna go back'. So say adios tu the world of happiness and welcome to the land of sadness. I am very sure its gonna be hard to adapt everything there. Especially when I really hate it there. But then what could I do? Im not in control of everything.
Lastly, i would like to say that I really enjoyed my life here. Its the best moment I ever experienced. No matter what, i still love eveything here. Literally eveything. My life, my school, my friends, my world. Just everything. Its just too sad to say goodbye here. I DONT WANNA GO BACK THERE. HELP ME! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. (Real tears are falling down you know)